Tuesday night again...

It is once again Tuesday night. It's independence day here, (Fourth of July) and I don't really have a lot to say tonight. Things are going Ok. Not great, but who says life is supposed to be great all the time? Today I woke up at 8:00 on the dot which is about 3 hours later than I usually sleep in, I cleaned my apt. a bit, made a cake with peach filling and butter-cream frosting from scratch, watched a couple movies, took a nap, went to a meeting, and came home. It's been a really nice, relaxing day. I got a couple phone calls today from people and one last night. This is note-worthy because my phone hardly ever rings, but then again, I don't use it much myself. Anywho, starting with the call I got last night, every call today was from people I've met in the past 8 months who were calling because they cared. When they called, it made me feel good. I gotta remember that and start calling people more so I can share that feeling. Simple, but effective way of letting people know I care about them.

So, I've been looking at my progress of late and it feels good to see how far I've come and even better to see how far I still have to go. I used to think I was smart and that I knew a lot about the world. I'm realizing that the world I knew was the world of my mind and that there is a lot more to the world than what I can wrap my mind around. To make it more direct and blunt, I am seeing how self centered I was. I knew a lot about the things I cared about. If I didn't care about something I figured it wasn't worth wasting time learning about. Funny thing though, how am I supposed to know if I care about something until I start to learn about it?

For those who don't know me, I'm in Minneapolis, MN, USA and am currently delving into the recovery scene here. I'm meeting all kinds of cool people from A.A., N.A., Al-Anon, O.A, S.A. and a couple other groups. It's amazing to me to see how working a 12-step program can seriously change someone's live. Working with the other groups is cool too because I am getting different perspectives on life. I know my story and the stories of people like me, but I've been learning a lot lately from the people in the groups I'm not really a part of like Al-Anon, O.A, S.A. etc. It amazes me to see them working their programs and getting through their issues the same way I am with mine. We're not as different as I thought. Granted, the issues are different, but we as people are benefiting from the same type of program and support.

OH! Last post I was saying something along the lines of how I really wanted to get out of my skin and escape my life for a bit, well I remembered a way to do that. Reading. I've been reading a lot lately. Since I posted on Thursday, I finished off the last half of the 5th Harry Potter book, read an amazing story by a local author, Joe Babcock called "The Tragedy of Miss Geneva Flowers" and am about a third through Stephen King's book "Gerald's Game." An odd mix of characters, but it gets me out of my head for a bit and in more than a few instances I'm seeing how the characters handle situations I'm currently going through (usually learning how NOT to deal with them). It's cool anyhow. Does anyone out there have any suggestions for more good books to read?

Today, I'm grateful for...
*The People in my life who care about me no matter how I mess up or what my mood is.
*A couple phone calls that really brightened my day.
*One really good friend I talked with last night who I am really grateful to be able to call a friend and who I really respect. He reminded me of a couple things just when I needed it, he listened to me, he had me laughing and crying at the same time... He's a good egg.
*My needs are being met. Not my 'wants' but my 'needs' even when I have a hard time differentiating between the two.
*I have a way to post a couple random thoughts where people can read them when I can't talk about them or possibly so someone might ask me about them.
*The nice cool weather we've been having.
*I'm starting to realize I'm ever alone in anything I've done, gone through, experienced, felt, thought... There's someone who's gone through or done everything I have, it just takes a bit of looking to find them sometimes.
*The time I had to sleep in today and then my nap. I feel a lot better for getting some decent sleep.
*My family (I called them today) that loves me even though they don't accept or understand everything about me.
*Today Marks the 246th day in a row that I found I didn't need to drink/use to get through the day.

Life is good.

One last note: Lately I've been thinking a lot about acceptance, my fears and faith. (Not always in that order.) Anywho, I came across a quote about courage I want to share. It was used in the context of learning to give up fears and control of things outside [myself] and how it takes courage to do that. This has been bouncing around a bit and I just want to share it because I like it.

Courage is almost a contradiction in terms. It means a strong desire to live taking the form of a readiness to die.
~G.K. Chesterton~

Nite all.
Hugz.
JD