Believe little of what I say tongiht....
Well, Isn't that just special? I'm in a FABULOUS mood and just want to share it with all my devoted readers. Today was just a GLORIOUS day! Everything went super smoothly within all aspects of my luxurious life. Must have been that nice bran muffin I had for breakfast, just cleaned out all the bad pooie in life. I love Minnesota in Spring! All the hotties running around in their near-nakedness getting all buff for the upcoming months of glistening sweat on tanned bodies. I'm feeling just super sexy today too!
Ok, I can't keep that up, I'm just not that "queeny" although I am taking notes from all the pro's on how to slice-and-dice-with-a-smile. Anywho, I'm a "little" irritable tonight. "Little" as in how Niagra falls is just a "little" dribble of water. Ok, I'm being dramatic and know it but I'm just gonna go with it.
So, things have been a little up-in-the-air for me lately concerning most aspects of my life. School, Work/money, living situation... the future basically. I've been sitting back trying to be patient and let things work themselves out, but I'm getting really impatient with practicing patience. Things I have solidified and/or put in motion: I AM going to school this fall, I AM going to start actually looking for a new job, I AM going to be responsible and go for a check-up and get all the fun tests done again, I AM going to stay in my present apartment for another year.
Basically, I AM going to change my life AGAIN. Now with all those things I AM going to do, there's a lot I don't know about how to actually do them. I have no clue where funding for school will come from, let alone funding for rent/bills while in school, I don't know were to even start looking for a new job. I don't want to go to the Doctor because they'll just tell me I need to quit smoking and take better care of myself. DUH! Like I don't already know that? What? Do they think I'm Stoopid or something? Let me just light another cig before I say that I'm getting really tired of smoking. It really is getting time to try and quit again, but I don't know that I'm ready for it quite yet. Smoking has been an issue lately because I agree with all those anti-smokers out there (most of whom are actually ex-smokers) that smoking is a disgusting habit. I don't like the smell, taste, how it makes me feel, or the image it portrays. It's also affecting some of my relationships. A couple weeks ago some of my friends was harping on me about my smoking AGAIN and they thought it would be funny to bring up a quote from one of their meetings dealing with people in addiction by saying, "Just how much more rope do I need to give you before you go hang yourself?" They thought it was funny, but it just pissed me off. So I took the imaginary rope and used it to make an imaginary boundary in our friendship, kinda like the ropes at museums keeping people away from the art, I will go up to the line, but no farther. Someday, hopefully, I'll take down the rope but not today. Someday I'll quit smoking too and someday my life might make some sense.
There is just so much change that I want to make in my life, yet I don't know where to start. Honestly, I'm feeling very much afraid of these changes. I have some control issues I'm trying to work out. It's fun for a while to sit back and watch life spin around sometimes knowing that life is on a much larger plane than I can see and comprehend, but in the end it just makes me dizzy and nausious.
I've been feeling really distant from people around me lately too. There are very few people that I actually KNOW at all. That's what I get for being a social butterfly and not sticking around when things get rough. This frustrates me, so do Phones. At work I cringe when I get a phone call knowing it'll just be another pissed off customer complaining about the unfairness of Federal Regulations demanding we fix their issues immediately, reaming me a new "one" for not doing anything for them while in the same breath justifying the fact that they don't open their mail from us to know that we sent them forms we NEED to be able to help them. I can usually leave work at work, but then when people I know start complaining about how I didn't return their call on Saturday asking if I wanted to go somewhere with them that night(when I was out of town and didn't have any signal on my phone)my attitude towards phones takes a nose-dive into the "Phones suck" realm just like at work. OH! And what's up with the "You never call!" thing? Hello! Phones DO work both ways, if I have your number, chances are you have mine and aren't using it either. Believe it or not, I actually do return calls if someone wants to just talk.
Arg. WOOF. Sorry, I'm just irritable and full of drama at the moment. Alergies, lack of sleep, lack of clarity/purpose and lack of security are making me fidgity.
Things I know: This will pass. Life is actually going pretty darn well. I am making some good friends and am meeting some great people. I'm using my phone more to call people just to chat and catch up on things. I'm seeing some amazing changes in people around me and I know they're seeing the same in me. Someone else is in control of life in general and that someone knows a heck of a lot better how things are supposed to be than I do. Being humble and admiting that I am wrong sucks, but the outcome/result is phenomenal. I can't control anything outside my own way of thinking and it's time to change that.
So... After that little rant I'll be signing off. I'm assigning myself some reading starting on page 417 tonight. Apologies tendered if I offended anyone, I will be posting better things in the near future hopefully as my life settles down.
Thanks to everyone in my life for being a part of it, I'm learning a LOT from you all. Bear with me, I'm not finished with all this yet but it sure as heck is getting better.
Hugz (too bad I can't actually give hugs online),
JD
Ok, I can't keep that up, I'm just not that "queeny" although I am taking notes from all the pro's on how to slice-and-dice-with-a-smile. Anywho, I'm a "little" irritable tonight. "Little" as in how Niagra falls is just a "little" dribble of water. Ok, I'm being dramatic and know it but I'm just gonna go with it.
So, things have been a little up-in-the-air for me lately concerning most aspects of my life. School, Work/money, living situation... the future basically. I've been sitting back trying to be patient and let things work themselves out, but I'm getting really impatient with practicing patience. Things I have solidified and/or put in motion: I AM going to school this fall, I AM going to start actually looking for a new job, I AM going to be responsible and go for a check-up and get all the fun tests done again, I AM going to stay in my present apartment for another year.
Basically, I AM going to change my life AGAIN. Now with all those things I AM going to do, there's a lot I don't know about how to actually do them. I have no clue where funding for school will come from, let alone funding for rent/bills while in school, I don't know were to even start looking for a new job. I don't want to go to the Doctor because they'll just tell me I need to quit smoking and take better care of myself. DUH! Like I don't already know that? What? Do they think I'm Stoopid or something? Let me just light another cig before I say that I'm getting really tired of smoking. It really is getting time to try and quit again, but I don't know that I'm ready for it quite yet. Smoking has been an issue lately because I agree with all those anti-smokers out there (most of whom are actually ex-smokers) that smoking is a disgusting habit. I don't like the smell, taste, how it makes me feel, or the image it portrays. It's also affecting some of my relationships. A couple weeks ago some of my friends was harping on me about my smoking AGAIN and they thought it would be funny to bring up a quote from one of their meetings dealing with people in addiction by saying, "Just how much more rope do I need to give you before you go hang yourself?" They thought it was funny, but it just pissed me off. So I took the imaginary rope and used it to make an imaginary boundary in our friendship, kinda like the ropes at museums keeping people away from the art, I will go up to the line, but no farther. Someday, hopefully, I'll take down the rope but not today. Someday I'll quit smoking too and someday my life might make some sense.
There is just so much change that I want to make in my life, yet I don't know where to start. Honestly, I'm feeling very much afraid of these changes. I have some control issues I'm trying to work out. It's fun for a while to sit back and watch life spin around sometimes knowing that life is on a much larger plane than I can see and comprehend, but in the end it just makes me dizzy and nausious.
I've been feeling really distant from people around me lately too. There are very few people that I actually KNOW at all. That's what I get for being a social butterfly and not sticking around when things get rough. This frustrates me, so do Phones. At work I cringe when I get a phone call knowing it'll just be another pissed off customer complaining about the unfairness of Federal Regulations demanding we fix their issues immediately, reaming me a new "one" for not doing anything for them while in the same breath justifying the fact that they don't open their mail from us to know that we sent them forms we NEED to be able to help them. I can usually leave work at work, but then when people I know start complaining about how I didn't return their call on Saturday asking if I wanted to go somewhere with them that night(when I was out of town and didn't have any signal on my phone)my attitude towards phones takes a nose-dive into the "Phones suck" realm just like at work. OH! And what's up with the "You never call!" thing? Hello! Phones DO work both ways, if I have your number, chances are you have mine and aren't using it either. Believe it or not, I actually do return calls if someone wants to just talk.
Arg. WOOF. Sorry, I'm just irritable and full of drama at the moment. Alergies, lack of sleep, lack of clarity/purpose and lack of security are making me fidgity.
Things I know: This will pass. Life is actually going pretty darn well. I am making some good friends and am meeting some great people. I'm using my phone more to call people just to chat and catch up on things. I'm seeing some amazing changes in people around me and I know they're seeing the same in me. Someone else is in control of life in general and that someone knows a heck of a lot better how things are supposed to be than I do. Being humble and admiting that I am wrong sucks, but the outcome/result is phenomenal. I can't control anything outside my own way of thinking and it's time to change that.
So... After that little rant I'll be signing off. I'm assigning myself some reading starting on page 417 tonight. Apologies tendered if I offended anyone, I will be posting better things in the near future hopefully as my life settles down.
Thanks to everyone in my life for being a part of it, I'm learning a LOT from you all. Bear with me, I'm not finished with all this yet but it sure as heck is getting better.
Hugz (too bad I can't actually give hugs online),
JD
posted by JD_612 at 9:21 PM
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