Update...
So, I haven't been posting much lately. There's been a lot going on and I really just haven't wanted to share with everyone. It's a mix of really good and not-so good (the optomistic in me says) things but all in all, I'm really learning a lot about myself. And that's a good thing (as Martha says)
So... Some of what's been bouncing around my noggin: I finally decided I will start looking for a new job. At this point I haven't put much effort into it yet because I've been putting in overtime at my current job hoping to save up a little cashola for school in the fall. I will be going to school this fall for ASL (American Sign Language) interpreting and am excited about it. I finally bit back my pride and called my parents tonight to ask them for help (which previously they said they would give me a loan to cover school and help pay my rent) and now they're not so sure they can help. SO I'm kinda stuck. I've been evaluating my living situation thinking I may need to find something different with lower rent. I've been considering finding a roommate or moving into a sober-house while I go through school hoping to save a little money that way. I thought I'd have a little time to think through some options since my lease isn't up until the end of July, but I came home Friday and found my new lease agreement under my door which I will need to sign and return by May 31 letting them know if I'll be staying or leaving.
All these huge decisions concerning work, my living situation, school, all need to be addressed within the next month. I don't have a clue where to start.
Schooling is a lot cheaper at St Paul College than at the University of Minnesota, but I can't register until after my program Orientation (in late june or july) which means I can't apply for financial aid until after I know how much money I'll need by signing up for classes, yet Tuition is due August 14. How the heck does that work? Some of my friends who are in college now have already registered for classes for next fall, so they already have their Loan applications submitted so they're set. Me, no such luck.
Not-so-viable options, I could look up some of my old friends and start dealing (like I could remotely consider that an option now. Puh-leeze!) I could find a nice cardboard box to live in for the next year (wonder if I could get internet hooked up in a cardboard box?) I could find a sugar daddy who would pay for everything just 'cause I'm pretty (yeah, that might have worked a few years ago, but at 30 I'm supposed to be someone's sugar-daddy. Besides, I'm not that pretty.) Or I could make my parents really happy and just move back home and take a menial job and find a girlfriend and marry her and have kids and forget I ever was more than an automaton (this is the most viable of the non-option options so far.)
LOL I am just kidding about all that. I am really getting learned (like my english there? I talk good) in taking baby steps forward, accepting that things are the way they are and that I'm in the right place now doing the right thing. I can't wait to be able to look back on all this in a few years and laugh about how stressed this making me now.
OH! AND it's spring. Mating season is in FULL swing and I'm sticking to my commitment to myself to take a year to get to know myself. It's freakin frustrating, but I'm taking matters into my own hands (literally) and just focusing on getting to know a bunch of people as friends (without benefits) and it's actually been kinda enjoyable. With everything that's been going on lately, I couldn't imagine the stress of dragging someone else into my life now.
So yeah, life is a bit stressful, but it's do-able. I'm really enjoying this spring, all the colors, fragrences, the warmth in the air... It's nice to have my senses mostly functioning.
One side note, now that my mind is working better, I've been realizing how very swiss-cheezed my memory is regarding my life over the past few years. It's frustrating. I'm realizing what my grandaddy is feeling now with his alzheimers in full swing. You know you should remember something about someone and the memory just isn't there. Hopefully the holes will fill in given time, but until they do I'm just trying to make amends where I can. (9th step work for those of you in the program)
OH!!!! Speaking of the program... I am very proud to announce that with the support of all my new friends and my renewed faith in my Higher Power, Monday was my 6 month mark!! Yeah! Woo-hoo! Yippee! It's been very much Up and Down, but all in all this life is turning into a pretty darn good ride. Might look something like this:
So... Some of what's been bouncing around my noggin: I finally decided I will start looking for a new job. At this point I haven't put much effort into it yet because I've been putting in overtime at my current job hoping to save up a little cashola for school in the fall. I will be going to school this fall for ASL (American Sign Language) interpreting and am excited about it. I finally bit back my pride and called my parents tonight to ask them for help (which previously they said they would give me a loan to cover school and help pay my rent) and now they're not so sure they can help. SO I'm kinda stuck. I've been evaluating my living situation thinking I may need to find something different with lower rent. I've been considering finding a roommate or moving into a sober-house while I go through school hoping to save a little money that way. I thought I'd have a little time to think through some options since my lease isn't up until the end of July, but I came home Friday and found my new lease agreement under my door which I will need to sign and return by May 31 letting them know if I'll be staying or leaving.
All these huge decisions concerning work, my living situation, school, all need to be addressed within the next month. I don't have a clue where to start.
Schooling is a lot cheaper at St Paul College than at the University of Minnesota, but I can't register until after my program Orientation (in late june or july) which means I can't apply for financial aid until after I know how much money I'll need by signing up for classes, yet Tuition is due August 14. How the heck does that work? Some of my friends who are in college now have already registered for classes for next fall, so they already have their Loan applications submitted so they're set. Me, no such luck.
Not-so-viable options, I could look up some of my old friends and start dealing (like I could remotely consider that an option now. Puh-leeze!) I could find a nice cardboard box to live in for the next year (wonder if I could get internet hooked up in a cardboard box?) I could find a sugar daddy who would pay for everything just 'cause I'm pretty (yeah, that might have worked a few years ago, but at 30 I'm supposed to be someone's sugar-daddy. Besides, I'm not that pretty.) Or I could make my parents really happy and just move back home and take a menial job and find a girlfriend and marry her and have kids and forget I ever was more than an automaton (this is the most viable of the non-option options so far.)
LOL I am just kidding about all that. I am really getting learned (like my english there? I talk good) in taking baby steps forward, accepting that things are the way they are and that I'm in the right place now doing the right thing. I can't wait to be able to look back on all this in a few years and laugh about how stressed this making me now.
OH! AND it's spring. Mating season is in FULL swing and I'm sticking to my commitment to myself to take a year to get to know myself. It's freakin frustrating, but I'm taking matters into my own hands (literally) and just focusing on getting to know a bunch of people as friends (without benefits) and it's actually been kinda enjoyable. With everything that's been going on lately, I couldn't imagine the stress of dragging someone else into my life now.
So yeah, life is a bit stressful, but it's do-able. I'm really enjoying this spring, all the colors, fragrences, the warmth in the air... It's nice to have my senses mostly functioning.
One side note, now that my mind is working better, I've been realizing how very swiss-cheezed my memory is regarding my life over the past few years. It's frustrating. I'm realizing what my grandaddy is feeling now with his alzheimers in full swing. You know you should remember something about someone and the memory just isn't there. Hopefully the holes will fill in given time, but until they do I'm just trying to make amends where I can. (9th step work for those of you in the program)
OH!!!! Speaking of the program... I am very proud to announce that with the support of all my new friends and my renewed faith in my Higher Power, Monday was my 6 month mark!! Yeah! Woo-hoo! Yippee! It's been very much Up and Down, but all in all this life is turning into a pretty darn good ride. Might look something like this:
posted by JD_612 at 10:21 PM
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