"No Day Like Today"
So, I just finished watching RENT again and I feel like I should put a warning here about how I tend to go on and on about things when I get emotional... I'm not going to, You can continue reading or not, that's your choice. Here's my story today.
I bought the soundtrack to RENT for the third time today. My previous two copies have somehow grown legs and walked off. I'm not bitter, just hopeful that wherever they are they are touching lives and someone is listening enough to get the message.
A lot has been going on in my life lately, but if I were to see you on the street and you asked me what's been going on I'd probably say, "Ah, not much, you know, Work, sleep, bills, meetings. The usual." Honestly though, I feel like I'm waking up from a very long sleep.
Earlier this week I got a call from a friend I haven't talked to in a while asking me to write a short essay about sobriety and how my life has changed. I'm still thinking about that. I don't know what I can say. I think my experiences are a little too personal for the purposes he's intending.
So what's been changing? Starting with milestones... I turned 30 on the 26th. My mom and sister were down for the weekend, had an OK time with them. We went to IKEA and out to eat on Saturday, the rest of the weekend was mostly just talking and spending time together. After they left I just wanted a quiet birthday. I spent a fantastic afternoon with a friend wandering around uptown before heading to my place to play chess and cribbage, neither of which I've played since High-School. He kicked my butt but it was a good time. I made it to my favorite meeting and spent the evening with another friend. It was a good day. Today is now March 1, 2006 and I am starting day 121 of sobriety. I'm getting in tune with myself. I didn't realize how grueling that could be. I'm in this seminar that deals with getting to know myself and making lists of my character defects starting with resentments, fears and Sex acts. It's harsh digging up all this old stuff that I've buried away in the closets of my mind, but it's good. I really am getting to know myself more.
So back to the beginning with RENT... It's a powerful movie inundated with meaning on several levels. I was reading the inset in the Soundtrack today which pointed out that the title was not only dealing with the rent paid to a landlord, but the rents or separations in society and life and striving to heal those tears in the fabric of our existence. I do love "Seasons of Love" and its message of measuring your life by the love you share in it, but the song that is really speaking to me tonight is "No Day but Today."
That's a message I have been struggling with lately. I want to be planning out my future, go to school, pay off debt, possibly get a promotion at work, find a Partner, buy a house, adopt kids... I start thinking about it all and my head feels like it's going to explode. Then I realize that I'm still dragging around all this baggage of resentments and fears and stuff which I'm letting weigh me down and I get stuck in a mire of despair.
No day but today. Today is the only sure thing. Actually, this moment is the only moment I can be sure of. I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, 8 hours from now when I am back at work, or even where this train of thought is taking me for the next few minutes.
Right now I am very grateful for the people in my life who love me. By them loving me I am learning to love myself. I know it sounds cheesy, but it's true. It's invigorating and extremely frightening at the same time. I'm starting to open up to people and be honest with them. It's an odd feeling, trusting people again. I kinda like it.
With that I pass.
Outlook: Very hopeful. I'm doing good right now. Lots going through my head, but not more that can be dealt with. Today is a beautiful day, there's no day like today.
Nite all.
JD
I bought the soundtrack to RENT for the third time today. My previous two copies have somehow grown legs and walked off. I'm not bitter, just hopeful that wherever they are they are touching lives and someone is listening enough to get the message.
A lot has been going on in my life lately, but if I were to see you on the street and you asked me what's been going on I'd probably say, "Ah, not much, you know, Work, sleep, bills, meetings. The usual." Honestly though, I feel like I'm waking up from a very long sleep.
Earlier this week I got a call from a friend I haven't talked to in a while asking me to write a short essay about sobriety and how my life has changed. I'm still thinking about that. I don't know what I can say. I think my experiences are a little too personal for the purposes he's intending.
So what's been changing? Starting with milestones... I turned 30 on the 26th. My mom and sister were down for the weekend, had an OK time with them. We went to IKEA and out to eat on Saturday, the rest of the weekend was mostly just talking and spending time together. After they left I just wanted a quiet birthday. I spent a fantastic afternoon with a friend wandering around uptown before heading to my place to play chess and cribbage, neither of which I've played since High-School. He kicked my butt but it was a good time. I made it to my favorite meeting and spent the evening with another friend. It was a good day. Today is now March 1, 2006 and I am starting day 121 of sobriety. I'm getting in tune with myself. I didn't realize how grueling that could be. I'm in this seminar that deals with getting to know myself and making lists of my character defects starting with resentments, fears and Sex acts. It's harsh digging up all this old stuff that I've buried away in the closets of my mind, but it's good. I really am getting to know myself more.
So back to the beginning with RENT... It's a powerful movie inundated with meaning on several levels. I was reading the inset in the Soundtrack today which pointed out that the title was not only dealing with the rent paid to a landlord, but the rents or separations in society and life and striving to heal those tears in the fabric of our existence. I do love "Seasons of Love" and its message of measuring your life by the love you share in it, but the song that is really speaking to me tonight is "No Day but Today."
No day but today...
"There's only now...
There's only here...
Give in to love...
Or live in fear...
No other path...
No other way...
No day but today...
No day but today."
Jonathan Larson, 1960-1996
American Playwright, Pulitzer Prize Winner
(From the Broadway musical "Rent")
That's a message I have been struggling with lately. I want to be planning out my future, go to school, pay off debt, possibly get a promotion at work, find a Partner, buy a house, adopt kids... I start thinking about it all and my head feels like it's going to explode. Then I realize that I'm still dragging around all this baggage of resentments and fears and stuff which I'm letting weigh me down and I get stuck in a mire of despair.
No day but today. Today is the only sure thing. Actually, this moment is the only moment I can be sure of. I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, 8 hours from now when I am back at work, or even where this train of thought is taking me for the next few minutes.
Right now I am very grateful for the people in my life who love me. By them loving me I am learning to love myself. I know it sounds cheesy, but it's true. It's invigorating and extremely frightening at the same time. I'm starting to open up to people and be honest with them. It's an odd feeling, trusting people again. I kinda like it.
With that I pass.
Outlook: Very hopeful. I'm doing good right now. Lots going through my head, but not more that can be dealt with. Today is a beautiful day, there's no day like today.
Nite all.
JD
posted by JD_612 at 12:03 AM
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