An update...
I've been going through some quiet times lately. Not really planning on posting any of my ponderings tonight, Just thought it would be good to do an update.
Yeppers, school has been postponed for at least another year, I'm staying in my apartment and am sill in the early stages of looking for new employment i.e. thinking of what I might want to do for a job. I dunno.
This weekend I've learned a bit about myself, realizing how much I'm letting fear stand in the way of progressing through life and trying to come up with ways to get past that. I went to this convention this weekend where there were literally thousands of people in one hotel (4000+ on Friday and expected to double by Saturday night) and was really freaking out with all the people around me. Not such a good experience because I was so freakin afraid of everyone. Anywho. The meeting I went to on Sunday was talking about taking risks in life and experimenting with positive things. I really wanted to talk because that's just where I'm at, needing to experiment and not stay in the ruts I'm in, but as usual was just too afraid of the people there.
Fear sucks. I'm afraid of people, I'm afraid of being alone, I'm afraid of trying new things, I'm afraid of staying in the rut I'm in... It's just one of the things I need to let go, but am having a real difficult time with lately. I've been calling people more, trying to keep in contact with friends and trying to be places my friends hang out, but fear is kickin' my @ss when it comes to actually hanging out with groups. It's frustrating. I know some really easy ways to start getting over all this, like just going up to people and saying, "Hi." Or going out with people after a meeting, but whenever it comes to that point, it feels like my brain just shuts off and I am put on auto-pilot heading home. This is something I'm aware of and am trying to work on, but right now it's just really hard for me to do on my own.
Anywho. I didn't really want to get too deep, just wanted to update.
Here's some little fun stuff:
Yeppers, school has been postponed for at least another year, I'm staying in my apartment and am sill in the early stages of looking for new employment i.e. thinking of what I might want to do for a job. I dunno.
This weekend I've learned a bit about myself, realizing how much I'm letting fear stand in the way of progressing through life and trying to come up with ways to get past that. I went to this convention this weekend where there were literally thousands of people in one hotel (4000+ on Friday and expected to double by Saturday night) and was really freaking out with all the people around me. Not such a good experience because I was so freakin afraid of everyone. Anywho. The meeting I went to on Sunday was talking about taking risks in life and experimenting with positive things. I really wanted to talk because that's just where I'm at, needing to experiment and not stay in the ruts I'm in, but as usual was just too afraid of the people there.
Fear sucks. I'm afraid of people, I'm afraid of being alone, I'm afraid of trying new things, I'm afraid of staying in the rut I'm in... It's just one of the things I need to let go, but am having a real difficult time with lately. I've been calling people more, trying to keep in contact with friends and trying to be places my friends hang out, but fear is kickin' my @ss when it comes to actually hanging out with groups. It's frustrating. I know some really easy ways to start getting over all this, like just going up to people and saying, "Hi." Or going out with people after a meeting, but whenever it comes to that point, it feels like my brain just shuts off and I am put on auto-pilot heading home. This is something I'm aware of and am trying to work on, but right now it's just really hard for me to do on my own.
Anywho. I didn't really want to get too deep, just wanted to update.
Here's some little fun stuff:
| You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish |
You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be. |
| The Movie Of Your Life Is An Indie Flick |
 You do things your own way - and it's made for colorful times. Your life hasn't turned out how anyone expected, thank goodness! Your best movie matches: Clerks, Garden State, Napoleon Dynamite |
You Are 36% Abnormal |
 You are at medium risk for being a psychopath. It is somewhat likely that you have no soul. You are at medium risk for having a borderline personality. It is somewhat likely that you are a chaotic mess. You are at low risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is unlikely that you are in love with your own reflection. You are at medium risk for having a social phobia. It is somewhat likely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement. You are at low risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is unlikely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer. |
posted by JD_612 at 10:20 PM
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