Going from Bah-Humbug to Christmas Cheer...sorta.
Hi. So, here's what's going on. Ever since the weekend before thanksgiving I've been in a Bah-Humbug mood about the whole holiday situation this year. I haven't gone shopping, haven't been listening to Christmas music, I've been REAL critical about the Christmas decorations and displays in the stores downtown (Although, I must say that the Ralph Lauren displays are pretty nice this year) and basically had a F*** the Freakin' Holidays type attitude.
Lots of factors going into that attitude including Family, Job situation and Money. One of the things that's really putting me in this mood is that I've actually got a bunch of emotions that have been waking up in me that I don't really remember how to deal with. I shared about how I was homesick over thanksgiving even though I really didn't want to go home, well, there's a whole slew of other things... Unconditional love, regret, hope, joy, compassion... All these are surfacing to a degree I haven't felt in YEARS. It's kinda nice, but wierd. I just don't know how to handle them so well anymore.
Anywho. So, to try and get out of the Christmas-blah's I decided to put up my christmas tree today. It's wonderfully tacky and tasteless. I still have the opalescent white garland from last year on it that looks PINK when just the tree lights are on. I have a "Tigger" hat as the tree-topper that I got a couple years ago from an excursion with my ex to DisneyLand. All in all, I like how it looks. Just the way it's supposed to. Here's a couple small pics I just took, one from inside, one from outside (Sorry about the blurr from the shivers when I took the outside one):
It took quite some time to get the friggin thing up because I wasn't prepared for the little walk-down-memory-lane that came with each ornament I hung. EVERYTHING on the tree has a story to accompany it. Even the tree itself has a story! Basically, the only things I bought for the tree were lights and the garland. All the ornaments, the tree and the decorations around my house were given to me either from friends I am no longer able to contact, or from family. As I hung each ornament I took some time to remember the story that goes with it.
One of my favorites is a frosted-glass wreath with a gold bow that came from my Grandma's house. I remember it from when I was a kid helping her decorate her tree and smelling dinner cooking, my cousins around me, all of us excited for Christmas.
Another ornament is this goofy little guy sitting on a little crate fishing through some plastic Ice with a little blue fish on his line that is WAY too big to fit through the hole he cut in the ice. It's kinda funny looking, but I remember it hanging on my parent's tree. The year we bought that one my dad and I had been making an effort at bonding through Ice fishing. I really hated it, but the one time that sticks in my mind was when the sleigh we pulled behind our snowmobile started bogging down in the ice because the candle-ice was melting. Basically we were going across an expanse of ice that was nothing more than a couple feet of slush. We spent over an hour trying to clean the sleigh tracks, get going, bog down again, clean the tracks, go another fifteen feet, bog down... It was extremely arduous and taxing.
Finally, my dad decided we should try to head back home if we could just get going. I ended up getting behind the sleigh and pushing while he was keeping the snowmobile moving (so it wouldn't' start sinking through the slush as well) It worked and I ended up standing on the runners of the sleigh and holding on for the three miles home, because whenever we would stop so I could get back on the snowmobile we'd have to start the whole cleaning-the-sleigh-runners-to-get-mobile process over. It was scary, but when we were moving I felt like an old-fashioned dog-sled driver, standing on the runners, hanging on to the sleigh full of fishing equipment. It really was a blast once we were in the clear.
So, that's the kind of stuff that went through my mind with each and every ornament, bauble, figurine and knick-knack I unwrapped today. Really, I'm grateful for it. Remembering all the past Christmases has rekindled my passion for the season. Christmas to me is about recognizing the friends and family and remembering all the times we've shared. It's pretty amazing to be able to remember it all, both the good and the not-so-good experiences. I've learned a lot from my friends and family and I wouldn't change any of it. (At least today I wouldn't.)
Gratitude:
I'm grateful I'm past the 13 month mark for staying sober.
I'm grateful for the intense friendships I've developed this past year.
I'm grateful I have a warm house and a warm bed to sleep in.
I'm grateful I had money to pay my bills today.
I'm grateful I had the energy/desire to actually pay my bills today.
I'm grateful for the hugs I was given today when I wasn't feeling so hot.
I'm grateful I am able to be honest with people around me.
I'm grateful that I'm at a point where I do respect myself enough to do what I need to for myself.
I'm grateful my emotions are waking up even though I don't know what to do with them.
I'm grateful for the little walk-down-memory-lane today.
OH! Before I sign off... I always thought it was a myth that a cup of water could explode in a microwave. I understood the physics of the molecules being excited to a point that the liquid superheats and flash-boils. I just didn't think it happened. After cleaning my microwave from a cup of coffee that literally exploded all over the inside, I'm a believer. Yeah. What a mess.
ok. Signing off...
JD =c)
Lots of factors going into that attitude including Family, Job situation and Money. One of the things that's really putting me in this mood is that I've actually got a bunch of emotions that have been waking up in me that I don't really remember how to deal with. I shared about how I was homesick over thanksgiving even though I really didn't want to go home, well, there's a whole slew of other things... Unconditional love, regret, hope, joy, compassion... All these are surfacing to a degree I haven't felt in YEARS. It's kinda nice, but wierd. I just don't know how to handle them so well anymore.
Anywho. So, to try and get out of the Christmas-blah's I decided to put up my christmas tree today. It's wonderfully tacky and tasteless. I still have the opalescent white garland from last year on it that looks PINK when just the tree lights are on. I have a "Tigger" hat as the tree-topper that I got a couple years ago from an excursion with my ex to DisneyLand. All in all, I like how it looks. Just the way it's supposed to. Here's a couple small pics I just took, one from inside, one from outside (Sorry about the blurr from the shivers when I took the outside one):
It took quite some time to get the friggin thing up because I wasn't prepared for the little walk-down-memory-lane that came with each ornament I hung. EVERYTHING on the tree has a story to accompany it. Even the tree itself has a story! Basically, the only things I bought for the tree were lights and the garland. All the ornaments, the tree and the decorations around my house were given to me either from friends I am no longer able to contact, or from family. As I hung each ornament I took some time to remember the story that goes with it.
One of my favorites is a frosted-glass wreath with a gold bow that came from my Grandma's house. I remember it from when I was a kid helping her decorate her tree and smelling dinner cooking, my cousins around me, all of us excited for Christmas.
Another ornament is this goofy little guy sitting on a little crate fishing through some plastic Ice with a little blue fish on his line that is WAY too big to fit through the hole he cut in the ice. It's kinda funny looking, but I remember it hanging on my parent's tree. The year we bought that one my dad and I had been making an effort at bonding through Ice fishing. I really hated it, but the one time that sticks in my mind was when the sleigh we pulled behind our snowmobile started bogging down in the ice because the candle-ice was melting. Basically we were going across an expanse of ice that was nothing more than a couple feet of slush. We spent over an hour trying to clean the sleigh tracks, get going, bog down again, clean the tracks, go another fifteen feet, bog down... It was extremely arduous and taxing.
Finally, my dad decided we should try to head back home if we could just get going. I ended up getting behind the sleigh and pushing while he was keeping the snowmobile moving (so it wouldn't' start sinking through the slush as well) It worked and I ended up standing on the runners of the sleigh and holding on for the three miles home, because whenever we would stop so I could get back on the snowmobile we'd have to start the whole cleaning-the-sleigh-runners-to-get-mobile process over. It was scary, but when we were moving I felt like an old-fashioned dog-sled driver, standing on the runners, hanging on to the sleigh full of fishing equipment. It really was a blast once we were in the clear.
So, that's the kind of stuff that went through my mind with each and every ornament, bauble, figurine and knick-knack I unwrapped today. Really, I'm grateful for it. Remembering all the past Christmases has rekindled my passion for the season. Christmas to me is about recognizing the friends and family and remembering all the times we've shared. It's pretty amazing to be able to remember it all, both the good and the not-so-good experiences. I've learned a lot from my friends and family and I wouldn't change any of it. (At least today I wouldn't.)
Gratitude:
I'm grateful I'm past the 13 month mark for staying sober.
I'm grateful for the intense friendships I've developed this past year.
I'm grateful I have a warm house and a warm bed to sleep in.
I'm grateful I had money to pay my bills today.
I'm grateful I had the energy/desire to actually pay my bills today.
I'm grateful for the hugs I was given today when I wasn't feeling so hot.
I'm grateful I am able to be honest with people around me.
I'm grateful that I'm at a point where I do respect myself enough to do what I need to for myself.
I'm grateful my emotions are waking up even though I don't know what to do with them.
I'm grateful for the little walk-down-memory-lane today.
OH! Before I sign off... I always thought it was a myth that a cup of water could explode in a microwave. I understood the physics of the molecules being excited to a point that the liquid superheats and flash-boils. I just didn't think it happened. After cleaning my microwave from a cup of coffee that literally exploded all over the inside, I'm a believer. Yeah. What a mess.
ok. Signing off...
JD =c)
posted by JD_612 at 10:09 PM
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