Right now....

Right now I think I'm feeling kinda pissy. People are just stupid and should be doing what I think they should do. I want a drink, I want a smoke, I want to go find some stud and bend him over the trunk of his car. Right now I want it all.

I think right now I need to step back and breathe.

Right now I'm feeling ok. The room is a good temperature, I'm making chicken and wild-rice soup, I made a cake last night that's already half gone. I sat in the local coffee shop today, saw this HOTTIE, I haven't blushed that much in a LONG while when getting caught stealing looks. He just looked nice. I want a nice guy. I think he liked me too. He was working on a book/story/article/paper (he said it all in one sentence in that order, so I don't think he was really working on much) I did some origami which caught his attention, he introduced himself, I introduced myself I went to sit with him, said I could only stay a minute then he said, well nice to meet you, we'll see you around. Brush-off? I dunno. I know he had a couple other guys giving him looks too, but I was the only one he actually talked to while I was there. I want a nice guy like that. I would settle for someone to cuddle with. I respect myself too much to go for a hookup although it's really tempting. I feel like I should be in High School with all this. Gawd. I'm such a looser. Right now I wish I would have stayed and talked more.


Right now I think I need to back off again and try to relax my shoulders.

Right now, the world is tranquil. I hear my clock ticking, my refrigerator running, my computer screen buzzing, cars passing by, someone's bass up loud-thump-thump-th-thump, neighbors arguing, kids crying, airplanes overhead, that damn clock ticking away... Right now I want to throw that damn clock out the f*cking window so those dumb-S*its upstairs might take a break from their arguing and make their kid stop crying.

Right now I definitely need to stop and breathe.

So, Today is a *GOOD* day. Today is my third day of not smoking, I forgot about all the good reasons to quit today and am right now holding on to the fact that it's my chance to give a big "F*CK-YOU" to all the nice people in my life who have been telling me I'd never be able to quit and to all those who have been pressuring me into quitting as well. I'm not doing this for anyone but me.

I'd give hugs, but I'm afraid I'd end up stabbing you in the back as I give them tonight.

I'm out.
JD