Hairstylists....

So, I was looking at my hair today, thinking about going down to see my hairsytlist this week, realizing I won't have the money to do that until Friday and moving on with life. My hair is kinda bugging me at the moment, which is why going to see a barber is a life lesson for me today. I realized that I have a lot of "hairstylists" in my life. People I see pretty regularly around town just like my hairstylist. We chat about our lives for a bit as he's cutting away just listening on the periphery of his senses then when he's done, I pay and don't see him for another couple weeks. Most of my "friendships" are like that. I talk with people, we talk about what's going on with us, touch base, then part ways for a couple weeks. I'm not having a pity party or pointing fingers at anyone for this, but I can't think of more than one person I can say I actually talk with more than once a week and I don't like that. I don't have anyone close to me that I chat with on a regular basis. It's odd. I wonder why. I think partially it's because I'm still afraid of getting too close to people, but more I think It's my fear of rejection keeping me from people I do know. I gotta work on that. I know I need friends in my life. Good people I can talk to and not feel like I'm being a bother when I want to do something and who will actually call me when they're wanting to do something too. Ah well, if wishes had wings there'd be a whole lot of crap flying around.

PS: I'm very much aware that my mental capacity for making rational observations is not anywhere near being able to make sense of anything today. Today is day 4 without smoking. It's getting easier, but I would really like a smoke before bed. Oh well, I'll wait till tomorrow. Since tomorrow's just a couple hours away, I think I can do it for just one more day. I wonder when my thought process will come back to being closer to normal. Anyone have experience with this?

JD