New goals.
Tonight I went to a meeting where the reading was discussing setting goals for life. I'm a great one for making New Year Resolutions. Every year in the past I've made a list of 5-10 things I wanted to do in the new year: Quit Smoking, Excercise more, have a more balanced diet, pay off debt, get a car, get a boyfriend... Invariably I would start with a great attitude about these things then one-by-one would start to loose interest. Either I didn't feel I had enough time to devote to achieving these resolutions, I'd get rejected, or I would think, "I'll start on that next week (no, the next...well, maybe next month)." Point is, I would never actually keep any of the resolutions I made.
Tonight's discussion reccommended setting goals (not resolutions) for my life, writing them down and turn them over to my higher power. Sounded kinda odd. I mean, what good was it to take the time to write down the goals I have then just forget about them. Then I realized, I'm not supposed to forget about them (that's why I need to write them down) but in the goals I've set there is only so much that I can do about them. If I am to succeed in my goals (which are huge ones) I can only do so much, the rest depends on a lot of outside circumstances lining up just right so my goals can happen. I don't have control over that. I can't rig the lottery so I win a million bucks to pay off debt, get a new car, pay for schooling, etc. (especially since I don't ever buy tickets), but I can pay my bills as they come in and try to save money so that when the time for these goals comes around I may be able to afford them. I can do that, but I can't controll the outside circumstances that always seem to happen that prevent me from doing it. I have no control over my health, my job, my acceptance into school, a car dealer being kind enough to overlook marks on my credit...
Anywho, There's just a lot I am realizing I don't have control over. I don't like it, but I'm starting to be OK with that. It would be really nice if the world would just work according to my thought process, but then again with how messed up my thought process is, it probably wouldn't be such a pretty sight. So, Goals. One goal I have is to be more Honest, Open and Willng (that's HOW it works). Honesty is something I'm working on already and it's getting easier (my life is actually full of intersting things, so I don't need to make up any drama to glamorize it). Willingness seems to be the easiest for me since I like to be one of those supporters in the background. Openness on the other hand is very difficult and it's something I need to work on. I have a tendency to just sit back and listen to other people talk, think about what they say, internalize it and let it pass. Doesn't really help me or anyone around me because I am not sharing my viewpoint and letting them get to know me. I've said in many differet ways here how I don't like letting people get to know me. Hiding behind a mask, building walls... It's comfortable. Anywho, in the meeting I was sitting there listening to people share their views and not saying anything myself. Towards the end of it, I realized I had stuff I wanted to say about how the topic affected me in my life, but I didn't. I'm kicking myself for it. I need to just get over it. Point is, I have thoughts on a lot of things, valid viewpoints that I can share which might help someone else understand the topic in a different light or might help them understand me better. If I just sit there, it doesn't help me or anyone else.
So, one goal for the new me:
That's just one I'm starting off with. Something that I have controll over. Getting into school, getting my debt paid, getting a boyfriend (a GOOD one which I realize I will need to be ready myself to BE a good one BEFORE I can think about getting one, so not for a long while). These things are out of my controll. They're goals I can start heading towards, but it'll take a lot of circumstances lining up for them to happen. I gotta make my goals then "Let go and let God*." (*As we understand god.)
On my mind: Articles I've read recently that I wish more people would read about Protease Inhibitors and Meth addiction. (Great article Johnny!!)
Outlook: Pretty darn good. I'm Looking forward to the service opportunities I have this week and getting together with friends.
Tonight's discussion reccommended setting goals (not resolutions) for my life, writing them down and turn them over to my higher power. Sounded kinda odd. I mean, what good was it to take the time to write down the goals I have then just forget about them. Then I realized, I'm not supposed to forget about them (that's why I need to write them down) but in the goals I've set there is only so much that I can do about them. If I am to succeed in my goals (which are huge ones) I can only do so much, the rest depends on a lot of outside circumstances lining up just right so my goals can happen. I don't have control over that. I can't rig the lottery so I win a million bucks to pay off debt, get a new car, pay for schooling, etc. (especially since I don't ever buy tickets), but I can pay my bills as they come in and try to save money so that when the time for these goals comes around I may be able to afford them. I can do that, but I can't controll the outside circumstances that always seem to happen that prevent me from doing it. I have no control over my health, my job, my acceptance into school, a car dealer being kind enough to overlook marks on my credit...
Anywho, There's just a lot I am realizing I don't have control over. I don't like it, but I'm starting to be OK with that. It would be really nice if the world would just work according to my thought process, but then again with how messed up my thought process is, it probably wouldn't be such a pretty sight. So, Goals. One goal I have is to be more Honest, Open and Willng (that's HOW it works). Honesty is something I'm working on already and it's getting easier (my life is actually full of intersting things, so I don't need to make up any drama to glamorize it). Willingness seems to be the easiest for me since I like to be one of those supporters in the background. Openness on the other hand is very difficult and it's something I need to work on. I have a tendency to just sit back and listen to other people talk, think about what they say, internalize it and let it pass. Doesn't really help me or anyone around me because I am not sharing my viewpoint and letting them get to know me. I've said in many differet ways here how I don't like letting people get to know me. Hiding behind a mask, building walls... It's comfortable. Anywho, in the meeting I was sitting there listening to people share their views and not saying anything myself. Towards the end of it, I realized I had stuff I wanted to say about how the topic affected me in my life, but I didn't. I'm kicking myself for it. I need to just get over it. Point is, I have thoughts on a lot of things, valid viewpoints that I can share which might help someone else understand the topic in a different light or might help them understand me better. If I just sit there, it doesn't help me or anyone else.
So, one goal for the new me:
Be more Honest, Open and Willing in everything I do.
That's just one I'm starting off with. Something that I have controll over. Getting into school, getting my debt paid, getting a boyfriend (a GOOD one which I realize I will need to be ready myself to BE a good one BEFORE I can think about getting one, so not for a long while). These things are out of my controll. They're goals I can start heading towards, but it'll take a lot of circumstances lining up for them to happen. I gotta make my goals then "Let go and let God*." (*As we understand god.)
On my mind: Articles I've read recently that I wish more people would read about Protease Inhibitors and Meth addiction. (Great article Johnny!!)
Outlook: Pretty darn good. I'm Looking forward to the service opportunities I have this week and getting together with friends.
posted by JD_612 at 9:47 PM
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