I guess the drama queen resurfaced....

Golly, I just read through my last post. I guess I've still got some anger issues to work on . I need to focus on getting out of my head and stop feeling sorry for myself. Life really is pretty good. If I pissed anyone off, please, come talk to me about it.

Today I made an apple pie to take to a friend's house, I called my mom and grandma, then called my grandaddy in Memphis. It was great talking to them all, helped with the homesickness a bit (I realized I really DIDN'T want to be around that chaos as mine is actually manageable) and it helped me reconnect. It was really nice just to wish them a happy Thanksgiving and to tell them all I loved them and really mean it.

I spent the afternoon with some GREAT people, went to a meeting then hung out with some friends. All in all I have to say this was one of the BEST Thanksgiving Days I've had in a very long time. The best part is that I will remember all of it.

I am grateful for my friends.
I am grateful for my family
I am grateful for the wonderful food I had today.
I am grateful that I have a comfortable apartment I can invite people into.
I am grateful I have friends that really care about me.
I am grateful that my friends know I care about them.
I am grateful that I had a chance to share a bit of what's been going on in my life.
I am grateful that I can't choose my blood relatives, but I can choose who I call Family.
I am grateful that My 'walls' are coming down more and more every day.
I am grateful that even when my 'walls' come up, they're easier to tear down.
I am grateful that I have a clear mind to think and remember and reflect on everything I have and can be truly grateful for it all.

Thank you to everyone who is in my life, the people that put up with my rants and occasional outbursts and the people that keep me here day after day. I am so glad you all are here.

Hugz.
JD

holiday ranting...

I really don't like the holidays any more. Just one more freakin day to sit at home thinking about things until it's time to go somewhereelse. For the first time in a LONG time I'm homesick. Not for the place my parents and family are, but the home I remember. It's just not there anymore. Even if I could get to my parent's house it would be a very uncomfortable day of gay jokes and religion for the most part. That's my family now. I don't fit. The place I'm at now is feeling less and less like a home and more like a concentration camp. Work, meetings, cleaning, meditation. That's about it right now. I need fun. I need a change. Nashville sounds pretty appealing at the moment.
I'm tired of people. I really would love to just sit at home for a while and not have to deal. I'm tired of the guys who only chat when they think of me as a piece of meat. I'm tired of the people who make plans around me and don't invite me. I'm tired of the people who don't have time to get to know me. I'm tired of people not letting me finish a story or even a thought before they break in with a tangent. I'm tired of people freakin being so serious around me all the time. I LOVE TO LAUGH!! I like to joke around with people, but everyone gets serious when I'm around. I want to hug, laugh, tease, shoot the breeze, go shopping, go to a movie... People just don't seem to have the time, so I do it alone. I'm tired of having people at a distance, I'm ready to take chances even if I might get hurt.
I know this will all pass, but for now it sucks.
So, happy holidays to everyone.
JD