I had an interesting conversation this past week with one of my friends. He was going on about a book he had been reading classifying humanity into Hunter/Gatherers and Takers. I realize it's a stretch to classify the whole of humanity into two sub-goups, but people do it all the time. The Haves and Have-Nots, Rich and Poor, Gay and Straight, Christian and Heathen, and now I'm adding to my list of black and white the Hunter/Gatherers and Takers.
I know that in all these extremes there are multiple shades of grey, but sometimes it's fun to just run with the extremes and temporarily forget about the other colors in the rainbow. You can learn a lot from looking at extremes, you won't get a realistic view of any subject that way, but it makes it a lot easier to explain a point of view.
My friend was talking about Hunter/gatehere vs. Taker in a general sense of humanity where on one hand you have the Hunter/Gatherer who works hard for everything they have and cherishes even the smallest detail of life and on the other hand you have the takers who just take whatever they think they need at the moment to make themselves better. In the context of the conversation, my friend was expalining that in previous generations there were a lot more Hunter/gatherers who valued life and all it's complexities because they didn't have a lot of posessions and they saw a balance between having something they needed and working for something they wanted. In the more recent generations, my friend explained, there are a lot more takers. People who just take whatever they feel they need, raping the land of it's forests for the wood, oil, livestock, even the land we use to further our civilization.
It was an interesting conversation, but I didn't follow his train of thought. My train of thought kinda de-railed about half way through the conversation. I started thinking about the hunter/gatherer vs. taker in terms of personal relationships rather than in how humanity affects the world. This has been on my mind a bit lately. People seem to fall into these two groups whenever they interact with another person.
I would classify myself as a hunter/gatherer. I have very few friends. I have lots of acquaintances, but very few of them would I call friends. I am very selective in who I open up to (which I know is odd since I am keeping an ONLINE journal where anyone in the world could read my thoughts) and those I do open up to I need to know very well before I tell them anything at all personal. I am always on the hunt for new friends, people who are honest, open, caring, and trustworthy. Once I find them I gather them in and make an effort to get to know them on a very personal level so we feel comfortable with each other. We can talk about anything on our minds without fear of rejection or judgement. It's just to express ourselves and openly discuss the thoughts we have so we can learn more about ourselves. I like and cherish that part of a relationship a lot.
I know some people who are complete takers. They meet someone and immediately ask themselves, "So how can I use this person to get to a better place in my life?" They are so concerned with themselves that they cannot see how they are affecting the lives of people around them. They just take what they need and leave the rest of the person to fester and rot. It's extremely waistful in the concept of a relationship in my view.
For example, I have a 'friend' who is a taker. The only time he calls is when he is bored and needs something to do. He never thinks ahead more than 'today' or 'now' because he doesn't know what he might need 'tomorrow' or 'later.' I know when he cals it's because he feels a need for something that I can provide, whether it's companionship, an editor for his papers, money, cigarettes, whatever. He calls when he needs something. Not because he cares about me and how I'm doing, but because he needs something for himself.
I understand this about him and that's why we've remained 'friends' for so long. He doesn't hunt me down to invest any time, and he doesn't gather my opinions on life. He just takes what he needs and ignores the rest of me. He doesn't ask about anything that really matters to me because it doesn't matter to him.
Many times I've told him that I would love to just make plans to hang out one night. Nothing special, just to make plans so I have something to look forward to in life. I don't think that's a lot to ask of anyone, but no matter how many times I tell him that this is what I need to feel appreciated by him, he only seems to want to do something when he has nothing planned at the moment. Many times we made plans that were canceled because he found something or someone else who had something better that he could 'take' at that moment and will not invest anything of himself in time with anyone. If I ask him, he can't even tell me what he's doing later that evening because he doesn't want to cut off the opportunity of doing something better where he would gain something for himself.
It makes me sad for him and it makes me laugh at him at the same time. He can't see how his actions are affecting the relationships that he has and/or how few real friends he has. I know I am not alone when I say that I am exhausted by him.
That's one of the biggest differences I see when it comes to the Hunter/Gatherer vs. Taker when it comes to relationships with people around us. The Takers tend to exhaust the people around them because the just Take and Take and Take without ever giving anything real back. They don't see any balance in life. The Hunter/Gahterer on the other hand realizes a balance in life and invests just as much as they take. they know that if they kill off all the Buffalo on the range that there will be NO MORE buffalo, so they take just what they need and leave the rest.
I dunno. I consider myself a Hunter/Gatherer. I work hard for the friends I have, i know it takes a long time and a lot of personal investment to have a good friend. Takers just exhaust me. Honestly, I don't know how much more people can take from me before I just say, "That's enough, the buffalo are all dead," and move on with my life.
Anywho, Again, I have said a lot (a lot of it in metaphores that don't mean a lot to people I don't know), but it's all stuff I have had on my mind.
Take it as you will.
Good night.
