Hind-Sight isn't always 20/20...
What is true is not always felt and what is felt is not always true.
I've been realizing the validity of that statement this week. I know I have a problem. I feel it when my mouth goes dry walking past a bar, but sometimes I feel like I don't belong in the meetings I've been going to. I haven't been in treatment, haven't been in trouble with any authorities (other than bouncers at bars who are generally nice to me as they suggest it's time to go home) and I haven't lost much tangible goods like a lot of people in meetings. On the other hand, I can't stop myself when I've had too much to drink, I've not been honest with myself or people around me about what's going on in my life, I've lost a lot in the ways of friendships and real companionship because I lost control.
This week I've been taking a look back at my life trying to trace the beginnings of things. It's an odd exercise, but one I would suggest to everyone. Just take one thing you do or are passionate about and trace it back to where it started. I've been doing this with alcohol, with my attitude towards life, with my attitude towards people around me and with several other aspects of my life. Hindsight isn't always 20/20. Some things I can't find their beginnings, while other things I find a simple beginning (alcohol) and realize that the issue goes back beyond the simple beginning.
It's not been easy to trace or to deal with. I'm learning a LOT about myself. I hope I will make use of what I'm learning very soon to do a paradigm shift and look at the world around me differently. Honestly though, that really scares me. I am comfortable with my life. I know I need to make some changes, but I know what's going on around me. The things I'm learning about myself, if I put them into practice, will radically change my outlook on life. I don't know if it'll turn into an awesome experience or if it'll be a great one, but I know it will at least be good.
My emotions have been rocking back and forth like a fishing boat out on Lake Superior in the middle of a storm. Really can't see much beyond the bow of the boat and I'm feeling a little green around the gills.
They need to make an emotional Dramamine.
Today is day 9. I am scared but can see this is one of the best things I've committed myself to in a long time. One day at a time. It'll get better (so I've been told).
I've been realizing the validity of that statement this week. I know I have a problem. I feel it when my mouth goes dry walking past a bar, but sometimes I feel like I don't belong in the meetings I've been going to. I haven't been in treatment, haven't been in trouble with any authorities (other than bouncers at bars who are generally nice to me as they suggest it's time to go home) and I haven't lost much tangible goods like a lot of people in meetings. On the other hand, I can't stop myself when I've had too much to drink, I've not been honest with myself or people around me about what's going on in my life, I've lost a lot in the ways of friendships and real companionship because I lost control.
This week I've been taking a look back at my life trying to trace the beginnings of things. It's an odd exercise, but one I would suggest to everyone. Just take one thing you do or are passionate about and trace it back to where it started. I've been doing this with alcohol, with my attitude towards life, with my attitude towards people around me and with several other aspects of my life. Hindsight isn't always 20/20. Some things I can't find their beginnings, while other things I find a simple beginning (alcohol) and realize that the issue goes back beyond the simple beginning.
It's not been easy to trace or to deal with. I'm learning a LOT about myself. I hope I will make use of what I'm learning very soon to do a paradigm shift and look at the world around me differently. Honestly though, that really scares me. I am comfortable with my life. I know I need to make some changes, but I know what's going on around me. The things I'm learning about myself, if I put them into practice, will radically change my outlook on life. I don't know if it'll turn into an awesome experience or if it'll be a great one, but I know it will at least be good.
My emotions have been rocking back and forth like a fishing boat out on Lake Superior in the middle of a storm. Really can't see much beyond the bow of the boat and I'm feeling a little green around the gills.
They need to make an emotional Dramamine.
Today is day 9. I am scared but can see this is one of the best things I've committed myself to in a long time. One day at a time. It'll get better (so I've been told).
posted by JD_612 at 12:22 AM
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