Today I woke up...
Today I woke up. I hit snooze on my alarm for almost an hour, rolled out of bed, stumbled to the shower, got ready for work and the cogs in my head finally started moving so I could think a bit and I knew I had to make some calls.
To tell the whole story I'd have to re-publish every blog entry I've had up and deleted over the past few months which would get very lengthy and probably pretty boring, even with everything I've done, So... I'm not going to. Readers' Digest extreme condensed version... I've been going out a lot and having a lot of fun. They say it's not possible to have too much fun. They're wrong. Started drinking a lot more than I should for various reasons, mainly to forget about all the things that happened during the day and just relax. Meeting new people, going out with them, meeting more people, going out with them, etc. It was interesting. I had fun, got into a few arguments, made a drunken fool of myself a couple times and continued my existence.
Yesterday I went out with my friends Tim and Nej to the Eagle for a beer-bust. Great deal, $8.00 for all the beer you could drink. I didn't want to drink a lot, but still, two mugs of beer are usually almost eight bucks. Six beers later, we decided to go home and put on costumes and go downtown to the 90's for dancing and some more cocktails. I was having fun. Ran into a guy I met through Tim and started chatting on the front "patio." Tim came out and joined us, The guy went back inside and I said some really sh**y things to Tim and told him to Fu** off. It was like a switch was flipped. I was having a great time, then all of a sudden I turned into this nasty person insulting my friend.
To Preface: Prior to going out, Tim had made the comment that lately every time we've gone out we've ended up arguing, which is true. We both agreed that we didn't like it and that we would do our best not to argue. After six beers, a jagg/Rumple shot at home and three very potent cocktails at the 90's, I wasn't concerned with our agreement. Really, it wasn't that I wasn't concerned, it's that I lost control. I've been doing that a lot lately and I'm not proud of it. I ended up walking home. I guess I stopped at the gas station and got some hot pockets because there was one in the fridge on a plate with a fork next to it, an empty box in the garbage and a new box sitting on the counter pretty well thawed out. I don't remember much of any of the walk home.
So, today once my mind started working I knew I needed to make some calls. First, I called Tim and apologized to his voice-mail. I called Nej and admitted to her voice-mail that I had messed up. Then I did something kinda difficult for me but something I have been thinking about for the past few months. I called my neighbor and asked him if he knew of any AA meetings I could go to.
He called his fiancee to see which meeting would be best for me to go to since both of them were going to one tonight. I went with his fiancee to my first AA meeting. I was scared, felt stoopid for needing to go, but I finally realize and can admit I have a problem I can't deal with on my own. I need help.
I have a problem. I am an alcoholic. I can admit that. If I don't stop, I will not be here much longer. I mess up my friendships by drinking. I hurt people I love and who love me when I drink. I mess up my future by spending all my money on alcohol. I make a fool of myself when I drink. I can't stop on my own. I need help.
These are words I never thought I would be saying.
Today was a big day.
Today I woke up.
To tell the whole story I'd have to re-publish every blog entry I've had up and deleted over the past few months which would get very lengthy and probably pretty boring, even with everything I've done, So... I'm not going to. Readers' Digest extreme condensed version... I've been going out a lot and having a lot of fun. They say it's not possible to have too much fun. They're wrong. Started drinking a lot more than I should for various reasons, mainly to forget about all the things that happened during the day and just relax. Meeting new people, going out with them, meeting more people, going out with them, etc. It was interesting. I had fun, got into a few arguments, made a drunken fool of myself a couple times and continued my existence.
Yesterday I went out with my friends Tim and Nej to the Eagle for a beer-bust. Great deal, $8.00 for all the beer you could drink. I didn't want to drink a lot, but still, two mugs of beer are usually almost eight bucks. Six beers later, we decided to go home and put on costumes and go downtown to the 90's for dancing and some more cocktails. I was having fun. Ran into a guy I met through Tim and started chatting on the front "patio." Tim came out and joined us, The guy went back inside and I said some really sh**y things to Tim and told him to Fu** off. It was like a switch was flipped. I was having a great time, then all of a sudden I turned into this nasty person insulting my friend.
To Preface: Prior to going out, Tim had made the comment that lately every time we've gone out we've ended up arguing, which is true. We both agreed that we didn't like it and that we would do our best not to argue. After six beers, a jagg/Rumple shot at home and three very potent cocktails at the 90's, I wasn't concerned with our agreement. Really, it wasn't that I wasn't concerned, it's that I lost control. I've been doing that a lot lately and I'm not proud of it. I ended up walking home. I guess I stopped at the gas station and got some hot pockets because there was one in the fridge on a plate with a fork next to it, an empty box in the garbage and a new box sitting on the counter pretty well thawed out. I don't remember much of any of the walk home.
So, today once my mind started working I knew I needed to make some calls. First, I called Tim and apologized to his voice-mail. I called Nej and admitted to her voice-mail that I had messed up. Then I did something kinda difficult for me but something I have been thinking about for the past few months. I called my neighbor and asked him if he knew of any AA meetings I could go to.
He called his fiancee to see which meeting would be best for me to go to since both of them were going to one tonight. I went with his fiancee to my first AA meeting. I was scared, felt stoopid for needing to go, but I finally realize and can admit I have a problem I can't deal with on my own. I need help.
I have a problem. I am an alcoholic. I can admit that. If I don't stop, I will not be here much longer. I mess up my friendships by drinking. I hurt people I love and who love me when I drink. I mess up my future by spending all my money on alcohol. I make a fool of myself when I drink. I can't stop on my own. I need help.
These are words I never thought I would be saying.
Today was a big day.
Today I woke up.
posted by JD_612 at 12:35 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home